Week 4 Review: Finding Myself In Chaos

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.” – William Shakespeare

This week, life threw me a curveball. Or rather, a handful of them. Week 4 of my 90-day challenge went above and beyond sticking to routines or meeting goals; I found myself navigating through a chaotic schedule while trying to figure out who I was in the middle of it all.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that growth doesn’t come in spite of the chaos—it comes through it.

Let’s start with the one thing that stayed consistent: my daily walks.

Despite the whirlwind that was this week, I hit my walking goals every single day. Those steps on the gravel have become more than achieving a health target for me, they have become my anchor. When everything else felt uncertain, my daily walks gave me a sense of stability.

There’s something powerful about movement. As I walked, I had the space to clear my head, process the day, and reclaim a small sense of control. No matter how unpredictable life became, I knew I could count on this one thing. Like I said earlier, it is no longer just about fitness, it is now about finding a moment of peace amidst the storms of life.

In a world that feels chaotic, having even one constant can keep you grounded. For me, walking has become that constant. It reminds me that even when life gets wild, I can still carve out moments for myself, moments where I get to decide the pace and be free…even if only for an hour.

But then came the chaos.

This week, my daughter fell ill. Anyone who’s a parent knows how that story goes: everything else takes a backseat. My routine, which I’d carefully built over the last few weeks, suddenly felt fragile, as though it could crumble at any moment.

Working from home added another layer of complexity. I was balancing my job, my writing, and now taking care of my daughter—all at once. There were moments when I felt like I was barely keeping it together, juggling a thousand things and dropping more than a few.

But as a new mum, I’m always learning. And what I realised this week is that sometimes, the greatest strength isn’t found in rigid consistency, but in flexibility. Sure, I’d built a routine, but life doesn’t always follow the plans we make. I had to adapt, slow down, and accept that some days won’t go as planned and that’s okay. There’s still strength in that flexibility as much as there was strength in the rigidity of my routine. There’s resilience in knowing how to bend without breaking.

Amidst all of this, a new challenge emerged: mentoring recent university graduates.

Mentoring people is something I’ve always been passionate about, and when the opportunity to be part of a mentorship program came up, I didn’t hesitate.

But when I sat down to write my introductory email to my mentees, I hit an unexpected roadblock. I stared at the screen, struggling to introduce myself. How do I define who I am when I’m still trying to figure that out for myself?

Was I the communications expert? The writer? The mother juggling everything at once? The mentor? The professional walking her own path of confusion?

Each of these labels felt like pieces of a puzzle, but none of them captured the full picture. In that moment, I found myself stuck in an identity crisis that had been quietly bubbling beneath the surface.

I realised I was no longer sure of who I was, and it wasn’t just about the roles I played or the goals I’d set. This crisis was about something deeper—an internal shift I hadn’t yet put into words.

Yesterday, I wrote about this identity confusion.

Or, as I prefer to call it, identity dislocation, hoping that getting the words out would help me find some clarity. Writing is often my way of processing the world, but this time, it felt different. I wasn’t writing to figure out solutions; I was writing to acknowledge the confusion.

There’s a strange relief in admitting that you don’t have all the answers. I didn’t (and still don’t) know who I am beyond the roles I fill. But in writing through that confusion, I have begun to see that this uncertainty is part of the journey too.

We’re so used to defining ourselves by what we do: our job titles, our responsibilities, our successes. But when life throws a wrench in those things, when those roles get disrupted, we’re forced to confront deeper questions about who we are beneath the labels.

And this week I’ve learned that it’s okay not to have the answers right now. It’s okay to feel lost in the middle of the process. I don’t need to have everything figured out by the end of the week, or even by the end of this 90-day challenge. I’ve got the rest of my life to evolve and figure out who I am, who I am meant to be.

If this week has taught me anything, it’s that ‘finding yourself isn’t a one-time event’.

We constantly go through cycles of growth, confusion, and transformation. One minute, you think you know who you are, and the next, life throws you into a tailspin that forces you to rethink everything.

The paradox is that even as we change, some things about us remain the same. At the core, we’re still the same person, even as we evolve through the chaos. 

As I continue to walk and write every day, I’m beginning to understand that “finding myself” isn’t the goal—it’s the process. Every day, every challenge, every moment of uncertainty is part of that process. And that’s okay. It’s okay not to have a clear picture of who I am right now because I’m still becoming. We all are.

It’s possible to keep moving forward, even when you don’t know where the road is leading. It’s possible to be resilient not because you have it all figured out, but because you’re willing to keep going, even in the chaos.

If you’re feeling lost in your own routine or questioning who you are amidst the whirlwind of life, know that you’re not alone. We’re all trying to figure it out as we go. The important thing is to keep showing up, keep asking the hard questions, and give yourself grace when things don’t go as planned.

So here’s to the next week of learning, growing, and finding ourselves—one chaotic step at a time.

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