“To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.” – Unknown
My mum is a shining example of a present parent, something I’ve become deeply intentional about being, especially as life gets busier with work, family, personal goals, and everything in between. Despite her shortcomings in a lot of areas (don’t we all have our fair share of them?), my mum did her best to be there for my siblings and me in her way while juggling a business and being the primary parent to 4 children.
There are lessons that I’ve learnt from her successes and mistakes as a parent and they have pushed me to want to be a better mother…a better parent to my daughter. It’s easy to get caught up in the chaos of daily responsibilities and feel like you’re always juggling—but one thing I’ve learned is that being a present parent isn’t about having endless hours of free time. It’s about maximising the moments you do have and making sure they count.
As I continue to grow in my career, focus on achieving my personal writing goals, and juggle life’s ever-changing demands, I’ve made it a priority to be fully engaged when I’m with my family. This hasn’t been easy, and it requires a ton of conscious effort, but it’s worth every bit of it. So, here’s how I’m working to be a present parent, despite the hustle and bustle of life in Nigeria today.
1. Setting Boundaries Around Work
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that if I don’t set boundaries around work, it will bleed into every aspect of my life—including family time. I used to think I had to be “on” 24/7 to stay on top of things while I was single, but that quickly led to burnout and guilt because I wasn’t giving myself the attention I deserved. Lesson learnt. I’m not about to repeat that mistake now that I’m a wife and mum.
Now, I make sure to create clear boundaries with work and clients. When it’s family time, I turn off work emails, put my phone on silent, and mentally shift gears. Whether it’s an hour at the end of the day or a dedicated weekend activity, I make sure that when I’m with my family, they have my full attention.
I’ve realised that quality over quantity matters when it comes to my family. It’s not about how much time I spend with them, but how present I am during that time. So, creating boundaries around work and other time demands has been helping me to be more focused and attentive when I’m with my family, which is leading to better interactions and stronger connections.
2. Focusing on “Active” Time Together
To me, being present doesn’t just mean being physically in the room—it means engaging actively with my daughter. That’s why I’ve made an effort to prioritise “active” time, where we’re doing something together that fosters connection, communication, and fun.
This could be something as simple as dancing to songs that she likes, or even taking her along when I go out for a walk. My goal is to be fully involved in the activity, and to show her that I’m genuinely interested in what she’s doing. When I engage in her world, I hope that I’m not only deepening our relationship, but I’m also teaching her that she is valued.
It’s easy to get distracted by screens, emails, or that never-ending to-do list of adult life, but I’ve found that these small moments of active time are the ones that matter most. They build memories and a strong foundation of trust and love.
3. Embracing the Imperfect Moments
One thing I’ve learned in parenting is that not every moment has to be perfect to be meaningful. Sometimes, things don’t go as planned—schedules get messy, temper tantrums happen, and life gets overwhelming. In the past, I used to get frustrated when things didn’t go according to plan, feeling like I was failing as a parent.
Now, I embrace the messy, imperfect moments as part of the experience. I’ve learned to laugh more, let go of rigid expectations, and be present even when things are chaotic. Whether it’s spilt cereal or an unplanned late bedtime (thanks to sleep regressions), I try to stay calm and focus on what really matters: being there for my daughter.
These imperfect moments often turn into learning opportunities, for both me and her. They teach us resilience, patience, and the importance of staying grounded in love and connection, no matter the external circumstances.
4. Prioritising One-on-One Time
In a busy household like mine, it’s easy for individual needs to get lost in the shuffle of child-friendly activities and collective attention. That’s why I’ve made it a point to prioritise one-on-one time with my daughter. It’s a chance for me to connect on a deeper level and really understand what’s going on in her world.
Whether it’s sharing a couple minutes of laughter while I tickle her, a short trip to the grocery store, or sharing a special “meal date” in the car just us both, I make sure she gets my undivided attention. These one-on-one moments have become some of the most precious times for me as a parent. They help me stay attuned to my kid’s unique personality and needs, and they make her feel seen and heard in a way that time with the entire family doesn’t always allow.
5. Practising Mindfulness and Presence
It’s so easy to get caught up in thinking about the future—what needs to be done tomorrow, what projects are looming, and what errands need to be run. But I’ve realized that constantly living in the future robs me of the present. That’s why I’ve been practising mindfulness as a way to bring myself back to the here and now, especially when I’m with my daughter.
This means fully immersing myself in the moment, paying attention to the little details, and letting go of distractions. When we’re out together, I’m not thinking about work deadlines; I’m watching her play, listening to her laughter, and enjoying the scenery. When we’re at home, I’m not rushing through bath time just to tick it off the list; I’m slowing down, being present, and enjoying the small moments.
Mindfulness has helped me become more in tune with my child’s emotions and needs. It’s also allowed me to be more patient, less reactive, and more connected to the joy of parenting.
6. Letting Go of Guilt
Guilt is something every parent experiences at some point. Whether it’s guilt over not spending enough time with my kids, guilt over focusing on my career, or guilt over just needing a break, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking I’m not doing enough.
But I’ve learned that guilt doesn’t serve me or my family. Instead of dwelling on what I could be doing differently, I’ve started focusing on what I am doing right. I remind myself that being a present parent doesn’t mean being perfect. It means being engaged, being loving, and showing up when it matters most.
Letting go of guilt has allowed me to enjoy parenting more and be fully present in the moment. It’s a daily practice, but I’ve realised that I’m a better parent when I’m not weighed down by unrealistic expectations or constant self-criticism.
In all, I recognise that being a present parent is not something that can be achieved suddenly. It requires daily effort, mindfulness, and intentionality, especially when life gets busy. Also, I need to find some time for myself while I try to be there for every other person. But I’ve found that the more I focus on staying present, the more fulfilling parenting becomes. And while I’m far from perfect, I know that being a present parent is about showing up with love, attention, and an open heart.
At the end of the day, it’s the little moments that matter most. Those moments where I’m fully present, laughing with my kid, and creating memories that will last a lifetime. And that’s how I’m working towards being the best parent I can be.
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